Sunday Funday: Fangirl Heaven

It has taken me a week. A whole entire week to bring my heart rate down from the epicness that was June 4^th.

Known to me now as Sunday-Fangirl-Heaven.

It might have taken that long to settle the pounding in my chest because I simply can’t stop watching replays. I vacillate between the beauty of the 1 minute 59 seconds of the teaser trailer and my Tivo’d two hours of the ridiculously hilarious 2011 Robert Pattinson Movie Awards. I mean… the 2011 MTV Movie Awards.

It seems almost too good to be true that the Fangirl Gods bestowed both to us on the same day….

Forget Edward and Jacob – there’s a whole new team in town…

TEAM BILL CONDON. *Running to CafePress to have tshirts made up. Who wants one?*

I’m going to admit, I’ve been worried. There are so many ways we could get let down. Lord knows screwing things up is one of Scummit’s specialties. It’s written once again by Melissa “I decided to COMBINE the leg hitch and ring scenes in Eclipse" Rosenberg. (Yes, I’m still bitter she cut out my favorite
line from the book. “I was all braced for the wrath that was going to put grizzlies to shame, and this is what I get?”) And of course, much as we have
all lamented, it’s saddled with a mother fucking PG-13 rating. How do you make vampsex PG-13? Even Rob has voiced his doubts.

There are just so many places where Breaking Dawn could go awry… But from the moment Bill Condon lit up my Thanksgiving Day with Kristen’s handful of feathers – I have remained hopeful.

Maybe he gets it??

Around 3pm last Sunday, as my twitter @s were spinning with ‘OMFG’s and ‘Ded’s’, I once again felt that hopeful spark.

Wow. Just wow. It’s 1:59 of restoring my faith.

I might have even shouted out: ‘They might just get this one right!’ a couple times. But, that was after I regained the ability to form a coherent sentence.

I’ve now watched the thing on loop 75 times. Well ok. I don’t even watch the whole thing anymore cause I could give a rats ass about watching Aro open the invite. And I feel no need to continually watch TayTay take off his shirt and become furry.

I skip right to :50. *sigh*. That’s where the epicness begins.

The wedding. My god. I think we all might be more nervous about this fucker than most of us old married ladies were about our own blessed day! I will tell you this. If I could go back and do my own nuptials over again, I’d take the florist a picture of the Breaking Dawn wedding set and say, ‘I want this. Go.’

It’s breathtaking. Then you add Rob in tails and Kristen with her doe-eyed-brown Bella lenses and you have ‘Sweet baby Jesus!’ status.

“No measure of time with you would be long enough, but we’ll start with forever.”

How am I’m going to sit through 2 hours of this without having heart palpitations. My checklist for opening night now includes a rolling suitcase with a canister of oxygen, a drool bucket and those heart paddle thingies they use on all the doctor shows.

And just when I’m already thinking my heart is gonna come out of my chest…. Big Bill C gives it to us. If there is a 13 year old next to you cover
her eyes – cause Billy unleashed the headboard!

In fact, it appears he’s gonna break the whole damn bed with Rob’s rippling back muscles and thrusting pelvis to guide the way. And this is just the fucking TEASER trailer?

Can you imagine what he’ll hit us with in the long form!

Oh shut up, I know you people have been imagining that all week long. Right after you starred at the gif of the back muscles on someone’s tumblr. And please don’t try to tell me you don’t think that’s really Rob. (Inserts my fingers in my ears, ‘Lalalalalalalalala’.)

And suddenly I’m adding a case of Depends to that theatre checklist because the wetness left behind on my seat might be embarrassing!

Bill C told us he wasn’t gonna sugar coat things. He said they were gonna take things ‘right to the edge’. I believe he even forewarned us the world might not be ready for it. And holy mother of God he was right.

From what he’s shown us thus far I am impressed. The scenery looks awe inspiring, the costumes and makeup look less ‘comical’ and more dramatic, the hot factor is there. By golly, it actually looks like the reports are true. Scummit might truly have forked over a little more of their lunch money to make this movie! Guess they did finally decide to let a director do the books justice instead of trying to be cheap and then squeeze as much as they could out of us.

Right after I went to surf Café Press for a ‘Team Bill Condon’ tshirt – I came back to this thought. Everyone was so worried that we would be ruined by all the leaks. Not. Even. Close. Seeing the scenes rolling before me in crystal clear high def gave me chills. Like prickly, tingles up the arms, goosebumps freaking out on the flesh… chills.

I am more excited for this movie now than ever before. And I believe Big Bill might have already etched himself onto my permanent list of fangirl-worthiness.

Of course the remainder of Sunday-Fangirl-Heaven was brought to us by another member of that list. I have previously mused about Kstew’s big ‘Fuck it’… last Sunday night was without a doubt Rob’s turn.

Stewie mentions on the Eclipse ‘Comentree’ that fans are getting a good ‘dose’ of Rpatz. Well I gotta say his grumbling about In & Out overdose was NOTHING compared to the potty-mouthed, adorkably unprepared Rob who showed up and completely stole the show.

There was lots of talk on twitter about possible alcohol consumption. Ok, I’ll fess up. I might’ve tweeted ‘Dean how many shots did you
let him do in the car?’ once or twice myself. Somewhere right around when Kristen was second-hand embarrassedly hiding her face and saying ‘oh no’…

But in all honesty, I don’t really think booze was the culprit. I think ‘AreUDrunkRob’ might be the real ‘class clown’ we don’t get to see in full effect too often. I think he might have actually just been saying, ‘I haven’t had a day off in like 9 months… I’m here with my girl. She looks hawt. Let’s get this fucker over with so I can get back to Chateau Marmont already… ‘ I mean let’s face it… the MMA’s aren’t exactly the Oscars. Was anyone gonna get offended if a few f-bombs dropped? Don’t f-bombs sound classy in British anyway?

My biggest chuckle came from the fact that his ‘fuck’ seemed to be the only one that slipped past the sensors sitting in the production trailer. Everyone else got bleeped. Rob. Not so much. My guess is the sensors were all women and were too mesmerized to respond quickly enough.

My first reaction to best kiss: Suck that Potter fans!

Lol. Sorry, no offense to those of you who straddle both fandoms. I just refused to allow them to beat us. The way that reporter dude kept taunting us at the show’s opening saying Potter & Bieber fans were trending way more than us – well that just pissed me off. You trend all you want fuckers – we’re gonna sweep this. That’s what I kept praying would happen.

Again. Fangirl Gods did not let us down.

My second reaction to the kiss: Holy shit! They actually came up with a plan!
And it worked!

I can’t decide which part I loved more. Her calling him ‘honey’ in front of the world or him grabbing her like a caveman to ‘take her backstage’.

Oh to be a fly on that wall…

I know the rest of the world used our ‘sweep’ to make light of the MMAs. They turn it into the More Twilight Awards.

Well you know what I have to say to that world…

You better go and youtube that teaser trailer… cause next year – we’re coming right back to do it all over again… and I’ll be watching in
my new Bill C tshirt.