Breaking Dawn Premiere: Thoughts From The Sidewalk...

It’s been two weeks now since my ‘Breaking Dawn experience’ ended. Fourteen whole days of trying to remember my real life means grocery shopping and folding laundry, not the bright lights of LA. I have tried to stop being an emo mess while reflecting back on the whole thing. My daily litmus test is trying to listen to Turning Page and Thousand Years back-to-back without tearing up.

I’m not even close.

I’ve tried to let my thoughts bleed all over a blank Word canvas a few times – but everything comes out a tangled up, clichéd pile of 13 year old nonsense. And this probably will too. But hell. It’s time to give it a go.

Or be committed to some kinda fangirl detox program.

How do I begin to summarize my thoughts on an experience I know will stay bubble wrapped in my memory till my peas come steal all my shit and cart me off to assisted living? How do I explain why it was important and impactful without sounding like a complete and utter loser?

"You went and sat on a sidewalk with a bunch of crazy people and saw a movie? I mean… it’s just a movie..."

God. It was so much more than that.

So, I’ve decided I’m going to tackle this as a series of love letters. Because there are groups and individuals who made this what it was and without them… it really would’a been just a sidewalk and a movie.

And, without them… well no... I might still be a loser.

Let’s see how much of my inner 13 year old comes out here before we decide… queue up some Flightless Bird this might be a tear jerker before I’m done with you.


Dear Stephenie,
I did not go into this week expecting to be emotional. At all. But something about standing beside you moved me.

You started all of this.

I think every person who calls themselves a Twilight fan should pay homage to you first. Because standing there, as my friend snapped our picture, all I could think was without you and your dream and your laptop and your kid’s naptimes none of us would be where we are.

The scale of that statement had never really hit me till I watched you quietly make your way through the crowd handing out your book. This ‘thing’ has become so big I think sometimes the fans themselves feel some kind of ownership of it. But at the end of the day… seeing you hold a copy of Breaking Dawn reminded me – this is yours.

All yours.

And quite simply: Thank you for sharing it with us.

With devotion,
twopeas

 

Dear LA King’s Fans:I am not going to lie, I did a little googling when I got home hoping to find out if your team sucks. MisterPea finally informed me your team is actually good.

Bummer.

I feel really sorry for you. The 2 games you attended during our tentcity campout were apparently so bad instead of watching hockey you felt the need to hang on the rail and taunt us and shout obscenities. For your sake, I hope the rest of the season goes better for you, so your money isn’t wasted on tickets to boring games

Ok. Not really. My husband has Caps seasons tickets. I hope you get creamed this year.

Grow up.

No love,
twopeas


Dear Kristen,
I had one goal premiere night: Get you to sign my copy of Breaking Dawn. I knew going in there would be a ‘scene’ as soon as you hit the carpet, but I was totally unprepared for the reality of the situation.

Pandemonium. Sheer and utter chaos.

So much so that Rob came before you and it never really even registered with me that he was there. People literally were climbing over each other to get to you. I think I had fingernail marks down my back.

It was overwhelming. And just teetering over the edge of scary.

As you stood in front of me, I tried to imagine what that sea of insanity must look like from your side of the barricade. The thought that kept running through my head: this is what happens every time she leaves the house?

Yes. She is even more beautiful in person.

And just like that, I had even more respect for you and the grace with which you live your life.

In the tiny sliver of time I had to comprehend this, my brain connected with my mouth only long enough for me to wordvomit this at you: ‘Kristen thank you so much for putting up with all this!’ And you gave me back the classic scrunched forehead and head bob – silently saying, ‘no BD.’ You then took my half dried out silver sharpie and forced that fucker to work just long enough to fulfill my number one goal.

It was 20 mindless seconds, that you must repeat endlessly, on autopilot. It was 20 seconds of my life I’ll never forget.

That makes me sound like the biggest lame ass loser of all time… but to me, you are the draw behind this whole thing. You’re what holds it together.

If my brain would have connected faster to my mouth (and if I could have stretched 20 seconds into… I don’t know… however long it will take me to spew all this. Maybe long enough for a cigarette and a beer?) I would have said this…

Thank you for being one of us. For loving this shit as much as we do. For referring to going back to the book as ‘consulting the Bible.’

Thank you for inspiring women to be themselves, to find their own power, and speak their own minds. I know being this ‘role model’ is not a life or a responsibility you signed up for. But lately you seem to have settled into this new station we’ve thrust (sorry, we’re now working that word into casual conversation) upon you. You’re finding your way amidst the barriers we’ve thrown up around your ‘normal’ life. You’ve managed to stick to your guns, stay true to yourself, still do amazing work and protectively hold on to your man while doing it.

In short, we adore you because you are an amazing woman. And sadly there are just very, very few of them in this world who have ‘the spotlight’ shined upon them. Most of the ‘icons’ society tells us to emulate and admire are fluff or egomaniacs. You are like the anti-fluff.

Thank you for your brilliant performance in this movie. In my opinion, your best to date. (Including Cake Eaters which I’ve always thought was brilliant. And Welcome to the Riley’s which I just plain adored.) Thank you for knowing what this story was really about. A strong woman, who just needs the chance to convince the rest of the world who she is: Powerful. Fearless. Selfless.

I wish there was a way to slow down the hurricane that we create around you, so you could actually sit and enjoy some of this with us. I think you would be so proud to know who your real fans are. The media likes to paint us all as bubbly, incoherent 10 year olds. But I assure you there are a subset of us that are powerful, articulate women who hold life tightly with both hands. I had the awesome opportunity to sit among so many of them in LA. I wish you could climb out of your own skin for a day and get the chance to witness how very cool they actually are.

I try not to think too hard about all of this coming to an end, but I am excited to see where you wind your path through life. I hope trading in the life you’d imagined for the one this has created will at least allow you the comfort of knowing we will be loyal. Feel the freedom to follow your heart. Fuck Up. Make mistakes. Learn from them. Then make more.

That’s what life is.

Most actors seem to pick and choose their path solely based on the hope it remains centered under a blistering sun. Keep being brave and choose the path you want for yourself. Your true supporters will follow. Hopefully from a comfortable distance so we don’t trample all the beauty around you in the process…

This whole thing has taken from you, but it has given you great power as well. Use it. Enjoy it. And please don’t hate us for enjoying being witness to it.

I’ve read a lot of reviews lately that bash Twilight for centering around Bella being weak and emotionally dependent. They make me chuckle every time. For me, this whole thing is about a celebration of strong women and the connections they form.

Bella. You. Us.

There is a sisterhood that has formed around this thing. It’s become bigger than the books. Bigger than the movies. Way bigger than you or I. It’s power is in our numbers. And, in the connections we’ve formed. Men don’t understand it. And they certainly can’t write reviews about it.

My hope is you feel at least a small part of that. And instead of growing bitter toward what we’ve taken like predators, you can enjoy some of what hopefully we are able to give back as sisters.

With great admiration,
twopeas

ps: *I told you all I was gonna get mushy… you were forwarned!*

This is a horrid picture of me... but really, who is looking at me here? Like a 13 year old I have to keep looking at this to make sure it's real. lol. My goal was my book signed... this picture was like the bonus round. I think I might have said something really really stupid like 'Please Kristen, I only want a picture with you.

Dear Bill Condon,
A few months back I wrote you my first love note. You probably didn’t see it, because well… you were a little busy. It was the birth of my allegiance to you.

I jumped outta bed one morning, after watching an interview with you, shouting ‘He gets it! Oh my lord, finally! Someone who gets us."

Shortly after that, I penned that first devotional and had a Team Bill Condon shirt printed up. (Sidenote, I had to trick CafePress into letting me print it…. So I hope you don’t mind. No profits were made off your name I promise. Just one little shirt.)

I kept watching every interview you gave and I started fangirling you pretty hard to Jack on twitter. (Actually, I might’ve even scared him a little bit in my fierce declarations of loyalty toward you! He’s very protective of you, it’s adorable.) But my god, the way you talked about making this movie and the connection you clearly had made to what this story is really about, inspired my fangirling. The excitement you have about your work… everyone should be that excited to get up and go to work every day.

And now, I’ve spent the last week breaking my arm off patting myself on the back. Because within 2 seconds of the Volturi sending that chick to her doom, Team Bill Condon swelled to a legion of tens of thousands of adoring fans.

Your approach to this movie was so far beyond what any of us expected. I’m not gonna lie, I think we might have gone in trying to lower our expectations. How on earth were you going to pull it off? And be saddled by PG-13?

But you did it. You straddled the line as far as you could. You remembered that at the heart this story is about Bella and her strength. You didn’t get lost *cough* like others in trying to appeal to the masses or trying to turn this into an action movie (sorry David…). You kept the focus where it needed to be.

Your ability to think ‘outside the box’ made for some of the most awe inspiring moments. (The way you showed her burning – my god the brief glimpse of it from her perspective was so scary and horrifically jaw dropping and then the deathly-morphine-induced stillness from his perspective so eerie! There were tons of those moments where I sat barely contained in my seat and murmured, ‘My god Bill I love you.’) We’d been so anxious for the wedding and the sex – but you threw in these little unanticipated moments that became the most powerful scenes for me. The horror in the bathroom, his hands on her belly as he hears the baby for the first time, him begging her to stay alive… I could watch those parts over and over. (Ok, as of now I’ve seen the movie 5 times… so I guess I have seen them over and over… )

You knew when to speed the story along and, even more amazing, when to slow things down. You let us wallow in Kristen’s ability to convey entire passages of Stephenie’s text with just a silent stare. Her uncertainty walking down the aisle, changing into sheer determination as she sees him. Her realization as she stares into that mirror that she is divided with him on ‘It’ and will have to choose to go against him to save a baby she already loves. You didn’t rush those silent beats and I adore you for it. I think you helped Kristen shine in what I thought was by far her best performance to date.

All the ‘little things’ in this movie added up too. The CGI to show Bella’s deterioration was awesomely disturbing. (That bathroom scene! Good god…) The music you paired throughout made the overall experience so gut wrenching I sat there in Nokia listening to people sob around me and pondered out loud "Why did they give us free popcorn, they shoulda passed out tissues!" Flightless Bird after the vows received gasps from all the women around me.

It was like you wove in all these little ‘insider’ references that only a true fan would understand. Wyck and Stephenie attending the wedding. The montage at the end. Bella’s lullaby playing in the background…

Over the last week I have seen my TL fill up with the words: Genius & God. I can’t begin to imagine the pressure you have felt this past year. Expectations from Summit to deliver a blockbuster. Expectations from this fierce, and sometimes vicious, fandom.

But having the incredible opportunity to spend time with Jack helped me realize just how in tune you really are with us as fans. I feel like you really took that time to understand us and what we wanted from this experience. You listened to Kristen – and realized what we have all known for years – she’s the biggest fan among us.

It feels like you did what few others have bothered to do: you listened.

So my hope now is you are still out there listening – because we are full of appreciation for you and your work. And as much as I know you’ve heard all our pleas and gripes the last year – I want you to hear the adoration now.

I hope your arm hurts from patting yourself on the back too.

With great thanks,
twopeas

PS – I know we are all going to drive you insane with our begging for a director’s cut or deleted scenes… so we apologize in advance for our tendencies of greed… But knowing what you are capable of when saddled with a tween-age rating makes us SO eager to know what you would have done if the leash was off… We know you went there and it’s killing us to miss out on it.

Dear Summit,
Thanks for the canopy over tent city….

I think that’s all.

Have a nice day,
twopeas

ps – Ok. I tried to leave it at that... but alas, no one has ever accused me of being short-winded.

I do realize hosting events like this for a mob of people is a tough thing. And it’s impossible to please everyone all the time. And it was a security nightmare.

The business woman in me can see things from your perspective and realize what an undertaking this is. I just wish sometimes, someone at the echelons of your company would remember that this is a symbiotic ‘chicken and egg’ relationship we have here. Without us, you would be nothing; without you, we would not exist.

Treating us like we are in 6th grade gym class and need to be ‘grouped’ and chastised in a parking lot at 5am is kinda not so cool.

I will give credit where it’s due… You pulled it off so no one got hurt. Which amazed me. Somewhere around 3:30 in the morning, I had started praying only a few people would get trampled or break legs…

But keeping people standing in line for 6+ hours is idiotic. I realized you didn’t want people all herding too fast into tent city. You needed a trickle. *Whisper…you could just give everyone a time stamp when you band them – so they know what time to come back with their tents… Just a thought* I would gladly go see BD1 a dozen times if you would use the excess capital to purchase another laptop and hire two more guys to work it. I''m just sayin' - it would be a bit more humane.

pps – Next year is going to be bigger. Just so you know. Huge. Expect huge. Prepare for it. I know you think you prepared for this one. And in many ways you did. Everyone – cast and crowd - was kept safe. I’m sure that was your number one goal. But this has the opportunity to be an epic experience… for us all...if we work together.

ppss – Respect. It’s a word we need to find in one another. Right now it feels like you see us as dollar signs. We see you as a pack of greedy suits who just want to cash in. It’s not good. We’ve got a year to fix this…


Dear Jack Morrissey,
I started hardcore fangirling you the day you tweeted me that cupcakes fall from trees in LA.

Basically – you had me at baked goods.

So needless to say, when you brought Sprinkles to tentcity, I resolved that I will pull shifts for you for the rest of my life if you want me to… lol. Maybe even that hard-to-sell 3-6am shift.

In all seriousness, getting to sit and talk with you about all of this was such a surreal experience for us all. It made the entire week.

My respect for how much you support Bill is endless. Everyone should get to walk through life with someone as proud and protective as you are of him. He is so lucky to have you in his corner and we were so amazingly lucky that you chose to spend some time in ours – making us laugh, sharing insights and getting to know our thoughts about things.

Aside from the ridiculously fun fanfiction conversations and one adventure with finger puppets, a bread bowl hot tub and sugar packets, the snippets you shared with us about the making of these two movies made me so incredibly impressed with Bill’s entire approach to film making. And, it made watching the movie such a richer experience.

You guys just ‘get it’. And, you’ve taken the time to get us. (Even hearing you use the word ‘fandom’ made me feel blissful.) I had chills during portions of the movie because it was SO apparent this film was made by someone who knew what the fans wanted. Thank you for being a part of that. For acting as a conduit between Bill and the fans.

I thank you as well for bringing the TeamJack girls into my life. How crazy that amidst the thousands of twifans out there, the girls who quietly, randomly, formed a circle around you would become this amazing group of friends. You brought me together with some ladies I hope to have in my life for a very long time.

I think I can safely speak for all the TeamJack girls when I say thank you for the gift of your friendship and time.

With great respect,
twopeas

Knitward & Yarnella - Adventures in Twlighting's blog mascots got to come to dinner...

To the Twilight sisterhood,
My friends and family could not understand what I was possibly going to do sitting on a sidewalk for 6 days. That is because they have never met you all.

I have mused before on these pages about why you all are so important in my life and how amazing it is to witness in person this thing drawing together people and groups whose paths would otherwise have never intersected. There was not one idle moment on that sidewalk. I couldn’t even tell you what we did for those 6 days… but they were full.

Of laughter and chatter and a few tears.

Those of you who didn’t make the sojourn had tears of your own I know. Not having the opportunity to bear hug a few of you made my heart hurt (that’s why we had paperdoll versions of you to tag along.) But while you mourned not getting autographs or pictures – the true loss was the connection we all felt there. Like threads being pulled together into something special.

It was a powerful feeling that is hard to describe. Like a family reunion – only you actually want to be there.

I owe a special thanks to a few of you and fuck it – this is my journal and only 3 people are gonna actually read this, so I’m gonna name some names:

To @cherylsab & @married2myjacob – I would never have taken this trip without you. I think Gina was the first to mention chilling out on the sidewalk. I remember thinking she was insane. But the idea of our little family being together sucked me in. I love you both. Someday my loves. Someday. And it’s going to involve a picture of Cheryl being bear hugged by Gio…

Next year... this will not be the paper version of you two.

To @Eveningrainjlho – You are the reason I actually pulled this off. Quite simply. Without you I would not have been brave enough to even try. I want to quote Top Gun here – a phrase about ‘you can be my wingman any time.’ But are you even old enough to have seen Top Gun?! Next time get under the covers. (Lol. That will keep people guessing.)

To @Petegirlsmom – for whatever you possibly said to Misterpea to get him to agree to this whole thing! And for not making too much fun of my teddy bear.

To TwilightCougar1 – You talked me down off the ledge. I was ready to throw in the towel and not go. My goal in life is to be as cool as you are. You think I’m kidding when I say a fangirl you, but I’m not. I admire you for your strength and humor and talent.

To TracyC25 & @adawnn1 – I always tell MisterPea what is cool about this thing is I have made friends with people I probably would not have in the ‘real world.’ But then I also meet people who I just know I would have had a bond with no matter what universe I found them in. You both fall in that category. I simply adore you both. And I need like 6 more days, 6 more times on any sidewalk you chose.

I love these ladies. That's all.

To Mama_Cougar and @AmyM11_11 and @LadyP804. For sharing in what has to be one of the most memorable dinners of my 30+ years. "Wait, did that really just happen? Someone pinch me." I already loved @GiovanniAgnelli for being one of the funniest people on twitter and for having the biggest, sweetest heart. But I will fangirl him even more now because he helped me find you guys. I would ninja paparazzi with you girls anywhere, anytime.

To the mamaduck, @twibetween, and all the @Team_Jack posse – hanging out with you guys made this whole trip. I feel so lucky to have found you. I hope Jack knows how lucky he is to hang out with such a cool group of women. Lmfao. And a talented bunch too. It takes a lot of know how to get 11 grown women into a minivan.

I expect to see you all next year – huddled in that parking lot waiting to get your cow tag... I mean wristband… Cause I need to repeat this experience. If one of you could call and tell MisterPea to prepay my fangirl detox bill for next December, I’d appreciate it.

With much love,
Twopeas

Last, but very most…

Dear MisterPea,
There are very few girls in this world lucky enough to find their true Edward. I am one of them.

This journey was about way more than meeting the girls and seeing a movie. I have leaned on you for more than half my life. I needed to prove I could do it. I could ‘go all that way and come all the way back.’ I could fly all the way across the country by myself and trust my own instincts.

What I realized, about 2 seconds after kissing you goodbye at the airport, is I am incredibly lucky I’ve never had to be alone in this world. I wasn’t leaning on you, I was walking next to you. And there is nowhere else on this earth I’d ever rather be.

There are very few people in this world who can find joy in seeing another person’s happiness. But, even 3000 miles away, I could feel your excitement for me. Thank you for letting me have this time to be me

When I talk about Kristen & Rob I always say every woman on this earth should know what it’s like to have a man look at her the way he does. Well I wish every woman would get to know what it’s like to be really loved the way you love me.

No matter where these new wings I have fly off to, they will always lead me back to you.

You are a rock star.

AML always,
twopeas

Yes. Those are feathers. Waiting for me when I got home.

… Whew. Marathon.

Now I’m off to play Turning Pages and see if I need to be committed or not. If you’re still reading this almost 5000 words in – you might need to be committed with me… pack your bags. Actually… we’ll probably have fun there together…

Ps: In the time it took me to write this... I probably could have folded 10 loads of laundry... just sayin...

Pps: Just a few more of my favorite shots...

being pulled from every direction...

Team Jack & Posse... riding our post-BD1 viewing high! We haven't figured out yet that Lucky Strike is closed!

Ok, really done now.

<3 - Twopeas