Will She or Won't She. Stewie @ the WFE Premiere

So the question of the day is will she or won’t she? It’s a big coming out party for her boy. Will she come out for Team Jacob or will she stay back and take care of Bear?

All week I’ve been telling people I would lay down on the ground and throw a little hissy fit if my girl doesn’t show tonight to support her man. I don’t really care if she walks the red carpet. I can’t let myself ever imagine a world where Stewie voluntarily walks hand-in-hand with him under the glare of flashing cameras. I just don’t think that’s gonna happen. If I thought about it too much I'd have to breath into a paper bag.

I don’t need the shots of them suffering through a red carpet preen together tonight (although bejesus another shot of her gripping the back of his suit jacket at the BD premiere would be much appreciated). Of course, I’d love to see her rocking some obscenely hot mini and ridiculously high heels as much as the next fan. But honestly, I am one of those delusionally happy robsten supporters who would be sufficiently blissed out just knowing she snuck in a back door and sat next to him to hold his sweaty hand and bump his leg every now and then with her own nervous leg thumping.

Actually, the thought of them sitting in the dark leg thumping together makes me giddy. I don’t need to see it; I can imagine it just fine. Yep. Delusionally weird, I know. I need a 12 step program of some kind. My friends are all looking into it.

But, as I sit here glued to my twitter feed wondering how those brave ladies stood through all that rain last night, a thought has dawned on me.

We know the glitz and glamour isn’t her scene. We know it sounds as if she was working right through last night. Girlfriend is probably pretty goddamn tired. And really could we blame her if she wanted to stay home tonight and snuggle up with Bear, smoke a pack of cigarettes, cook herself some recipe from the Food Network and just sext her man all night while he leg thumps on his own in the dark?

Kristen is a ninja. She can outwit, outsmart and outlast us. I have to remind myself of this constantly. Did she really jet across the country with him this morning and plan to doll it up tonight? Or will she sneak herself across the pond and show up going through a back door in Berlin or London or Paris? Hell, she could probably back-door it at one of those shows and we’d never even know. She’d pop up in some European airport a day later and we’d all kick ourselves cause she’s managed to best our CIA-like snooping abilities yet again.

So I’ve decided to put my big girl panties on and not throw a fit no matter what happens tonight. Part of my endearment to this woman is she doesn’t feed off the flashbulbs like the rest of them. She knows what she has with him is worth protecting – even if she has to be labeled a bitch by all the haters for doing everything ninja-style.

So cheers to you Stewie. Part of me hopes now that BD filming is over you say ‘fuck it I’m going and I’m gonna rock it and all those bitches can be jealous’. But I’m gonna be understanding if you just say ‘fuck it’ and don’t show up at all.

I hope wherever you are tonight – stilettos on 54th street or sweats on the couch – you are happy knowing your boy is about to showcase to the world just what he can do when you let him shed the malicious contacts and pasty white makeup. I know you’re the captain of Team Rob and I don’t necessarily need to see you holding pom-poms to believe it.