Is FOREVER Really Our Goodbye?

In my pathetic attempt to catch up on BD2 promo, I happened upon an interview yesterday where Rob was asked, ‘What happens now? What happens after forever?’  Rob looked at the guy like he had three heads,  chuckled in his self -deprecating way and said, ‘I have no idea.’  Funny pause.  Smirk. Head bob.  ‘Yeah, I really have no idea.’

Yeah... tried to find the link to the actual interview -
but have you SEEN the list of promo clips?
That's like a needle in a haystack.
Just enjoy this instead... You get the idea...

Rob, I’m right there with you.

What happens now?  

The bright lights are all turned out. The wristbands have been cutoff… Well ok, I’m the loser who hasn’t cut hers off. That’s a proverbial umbilical cord I’m not ready to sever quite yet.  Baby steps… The erotic, couture dresses and barely there pantsuit have been given back to their designers. Summit is preparing to count their millions. Rob and Kristen are off in England shopping for groceries, preparing for their life as ninjas and probably toasting that our ending, is finally their fresh start.

 

Rob is also probably beginning an epic experiment to see just how long he can go without shaving… I fear Mountain Man is coming…

Good Mountain Man Rob

Baaaaaad Mountain Man Rob. *cringe*

So where does that all leave us? 

Is forever really our goodbye?

I managed to sit through BD2 in the Nokia last Monday night and didn’t shed too many tears. But I’ve seen it two times since returning home and managed to cry a little bit harder on each successive viewing. In part, because each time felt a little closer to an end.

And, each time, while the credits rolled through the entire Saga cast (goddamn you Bill Condon!) I couldn’t help but scroll, in my mind, through the cast of characters I’ve met during this whole journey.

I’m not talking vampires and werewolves. I’m talking about you ladies. And a few special gentlemen.  

It’s like seeing a list of avi’s and handles flash by.  Along with ridiculous conversations about sex hair and eye sex and sex toys.  Ok yes. We’ve talked a lot of sex.  But it’s also conversations about our kids troubles at school, a sick relative, a lost job, a new house, a cranky baby… and endless piles of fanfic.  

The flashback scene we all knew Bill would try to kill us with, reminds us Kristen isn’t the only girl in the room who’s grown up and changed a lot these last handful of years. We’ve all changed and grown together. In ways big and small.



Wee bitty Rob and Kristen...



All grown up...

I had a shirt made to wear in Fan Camp with a back that read: ‘…because at some point this stopped being just a little story about some vampires and started being the story of us.’ 

I tried to explain that notion as I walked through camp with a group one night that included a ‘friend of a friend’ who was there to see what all the fuss was about.  I think the sentiment of that shirt was scratching the surface with him as he walked among us, hearing all our stories, seeing us embrace one another, viewing all our tents covered in pictures that commemorated years of friendship. 

“This is about way more than a cute vampire,’ I told him.  “We all came to this thing for different reasons, but what we found here are little pieces of ourselves we wouldn’t have found anywhere else.”

So if it holds true this is bigger than vampires… do things change now that the cold ones have all moved on to new feeding grounds?

I certainly don’t hope for Summit to conjure up some watered down spinoff version of this whole phenom. As Kristen has said in so many interviews, it feels complete. Edward and Bella deserve that moment in the meadow. They deserve for us to leave them there. Happy.  And making out like wild animals.

 

I’m not looking for Twilight: The Next Generation.  

But the mere thought of that has me looking over my shoulder at other, older fandoms, especially the ones that have stood the test of time.

Can we be like them?

Do we want to be?

We already endure the pop culture ridicule that seems to hold hands with the word ‘Twihard’. (After I help Rob find the creator of ‘RPatz’ I’m gunning for the creator of this label, as the term makes my skin crawl whenever I hear it.) But how does our culture’s view of super fans morph even further when the object of the fan affection is something from ‘the past’? 

Do we feel differently today about people who dress up like Captain Kirk on weekends than people did back when the USS Enterprise made it’s virgin voyage?  (You know I’m sitting here trying to make my fingers do that split thing now right? I never got Star Trek...)  

 

Once the DVD wrappers are torn away, and there’s truly nothing ‘new’ to be had, does the fandom hit its own twilight and everything just slowly fades to black?

I know lots of people out there are already suggesting Forever is not an ending. We will have red carpets to stalk for future projects. We have a thriving fanfiction community that will keep these characters alive (and our sex lives happy).  Can we survive on that?

We are essentially like Steph’s vampires now.  We’ve been living on fresh human blood for years. Feasting to the point of gluttony on The Bubble and filming leaks and movie promo tours.  Now it seems we’re moving in with the Cullens.  Becoming ‘vegetarians.’  We’ll have to learn to like our eyes golden and a life of never being ‘fully satisfied.’

Will we like life under Carlisle’s rules?

I don’t know. I hope so.  

I returned from LA to a family that I love more than anything else. To a husband who has humored me but is really ready to have his wife back.  I’m really ready to get more than 5 hours sleep a night and jump back into my life too.

But I guess the answer to the question I’ve asked over and over on this page is I don’t want to go back to being the woman I was before I met all of you. She was really boring.  My life the last few years has been more vibrant. I want my life to include you all in some way.  Maybe smaller than before.  But in some way.

The front of that shirt I wore in camp said this:  “One woman’s dream, became a few great books, that turned into a handful of movies, that created a sisterhood, that changed our lives forever.”

Me and Steph...and my shirt.
Which CafePress cockblocked
AFTER they printed & shipped it! Suckers!

I don’t know what tomorrow holds. But I am so very thankful for this ride. Thankful I jumped on when I did. Thankful my wonderful family has put up with it for as long as they have. Thankful for the changes it’s made in my everyday life and the way I view the world and the people in it so much more openly now.  

When I am old and gray and sitting in a rocking chair somewhere  waiting for my own life’s credits to roll by – so many of you will be included.  I will look back and fondly remember endless nights spent on twitter trading Rob Porn, snot sobbing support groups reading EP, trying to stay out of jail on epic nights of Best Kisses and filming in the streets of Brazil, using the term Laters way before it was cool, huddling in dark LA parking lots at 3am, bawling the first time meeting Stephenie, taking chair dancing lessons with the DC girls in my family room, hearing catcalls and sniffles fill the Nokia when the words ‘The Twilight Saga’ finally faded off the screen…

Clearly my flashback scene will be longer than Bella’s…

Bill Condon’s brilliance flipped pages so we could see those words Stephenie chose for her own ending . ‘…We continued blissfully into this small but perfect piece of our forever.’ 

I wish there was a way to flip forward to see what lies ahead for us…

Forever.

Whatever that means…

 

- <3 twopeas1pod

Who wonders where Alice is when you need her.


The beautiful thing that welcomed me home...



I'll always have Kristen's back.... I mean, ear. #TeamKristen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paddling Through The Robstenpocalypse

I reserve the right to completely change my mind about all of this because for the past 6 days I’ve had a new emotion every 10 minutes…Some of them belong to my 36 year old self. Some belong to my 4 year old and 13 year old within.   I’m not really ready to write this. And I sure as hell think people are sick of reading shit like this. But my musings have always just been the personal journal of my mind. And my mind is scattered… so let’s see if this brings me some clarity…

I am in grief. We all are. There are stages to it and I’ve watched daily as my Twitter TL spins with different people paddling through different phases of it.  Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

 

What are we grieving?  The  fairytale. The simple idea of it.

 

We were all brought up as little girls on Cinderella stories. White knight comes in, falls in love with the princess, they get on a white horse and ride off.

 

Happily. Ever. After.  

 

At heart we are all still those little girls. We love a good love story.  Isn’t that why we love Twilight? Why we all read fanfic that nearly always guarantees us an ending with a ‘HEA’. 

 

We want the white horse and the pretty sunset.

<> 

<>

This. We want this. Complete with the fucking cheesy heart hands.

The problem is we applied the fairytale to a real life prince and princess. 

 

It was so easy to do. Watching them watch each other had an addictive quality to anyone with a romantic heart. They wore it on their sleeves. It was mesmerizing.  Their 'love at first sight' story became sweeter than Edward and Bella’s.  From the outside looking in, they seemed to travel through life in a perfect glass bubble only Walt Disney himself could have crafted.

 

But perfect bubbles don’t really exist and Disney just rolled credits after they panned across the sunset. We never got to see life in the castle. Real life. The hard stuff after the wicked queen was dead and it was time to get down to the day to day.

Day to day is hard. We all know that. THAT is why we are here. Following their fairytale was our escape from our own day to day. 

 

Life is difficult right now for a lot of people. We’re living in a world with a lot of real problems. It’s so much easier to focus on someone else’s happy than to focus on our own sad.  And it’s fun to be joyful about something with other people. Their happy drew us together… happily.

 

That's right. I'm totally blaming this shit on you Walt.

Is their real life really a fairytale?  Is anyone’s?  Of course not. We all know that. But in our hearts we want to believe in it.

Is it wrong for us to be sad and upset now that the fairytale seems to have morphed into some sort of real life tragedy? No. Of course not. We are grieving the loss of that shiny dream. We are grieving that our happy escape has suddenly turned into a real world, messy place to be.

 

And that is ok. There are stages. You have to go through them.  You have to feel this shit.  You have to talk about it (my husband says ‘endlessly’) so you can identify where you are at and wade through it.

 

And, I think at the same time you still have to hope. Hope that somewhere there is a fairytale that’s real. Find the small fairytales in your own life. Hope that they find some in theirs again someday. With each other or with someone else.

I don’t know how this will all play out. Disney never taught us this part of the play. It’s like we’ve gone to Act 4. No one has written this epilogue.

I always worried that the weight of our staring could eventually crush them. I hope now the weight of our sorrow does not. They have enough of their own without carrying ours on their backs.  We need to let our own dust settle, so they have enough peace and quiet to find their way through this shit storm.  There is no white horse coming to save them this time. It’s a long road they’re gonna have to walk down. Together or alone.  

I hope they eventually find their own sunsets. 

 

And I hope we are able to keep believing fairytales do exist.

 

Until then, google up the stages of grief. A very smart, dear friend of mine would also tell you to google up ‘parasocial relationship’.  Do it. You'll be enlightened. We are all grappling with trying to understand the ‘why’ and the ‘how’. I don’t know that those questions are truly ours to ask. We need to respect that we don’t deserve the answers.

 

And I’m not sure the answers even matter, because no matter how Act 4 ends,  the spell has already been broken. We know they aren’t the prince and princess we projected them to be.

 

They have a real life. With real problems. They make mistakes and have to live with them. They hurt. Just like the rest of us.

Instead, ask why this is important to you. Reflect on what it’s brought to your life. And then paddle through… I’ll be right alongside you rowing along with some tears of my own.

God speed to us all.

<3 twopeas1pod

This post has been the result of 20+ years of reading romance novels, way too much time on twitter, 2 years of watching cheesy Robsten videos on YouTube, a few traumatic days of listening to Taylor Swift's Breathe (google that shit, it's a gut punch), and the facebook posting of a wise wise communication professor who shall remain nameless but is appreciated nonetheless. Whatever emotion you are feeling right now. It's. Ok. Paddle on through... there has to be a sunset somewhere out there... (2Ps

Are you shitting me that this is the best boat we can find?

Who the fuck decided we'd paddle anyway? Fuck the boat.
 Let's ride off into the sunset with these guys...

7 Minutes Of Forever. Comic Con 2012: Twilight Comes Full Circle

Leaving San Diego is hard. Not only because the city is quite literally my idea of non-humid-heaven-on-Earth and after 4 days I’ve grown rather used to watching Storm Troopers and Supergirls walk down the crowded streets, but also because it means The End has officially begun.

Forever. Period.

It looms in front of us, a mere 121 days away.

Getting my geek on at Comic Con, hanging out with my Twifamily and getting to watch the first 7 minutes of BD2 was the epitome of that horribly clichéd word Kristen seemed barely able to believe she was using: Bittersweet.

Despite all the twitterverse begging for hidden bewbie cams, there was no one amongst my group of crazies brave/stupid enough to bootleg the clip. It would have gotten our asses booted right out of Hall H and in all honesty Rob walked in with fully restored lion hair (somewhere angels were singing) and Kristen walked in with half her belly showing and I just lost all cognitive thought. I also don’t really have bewbies nearly large enough to hide a flip…

Now... Kristen looks like she coulda pulled off a bewbiecam at SDCC2012.... just sayin...

So to make it up to those who are surfing YouTube hourly for some sign of the holy grail… let me see if I can at least highlight some of the experience.

What do the folks sitting at home need to know first?

We’re all screwed. Totally.

If you didn’t bawl your eyes out when Flightless Bird played during BD1, then you might have hope of surviving November. But if you were like me and wanted to fist bump Bill Condon with one hand while wiping your snotty nose and blubbering tears with the other… you’re fucked.

BD2 picks up right where BD1 left off. Bella’s eyes. Vamped out. The first few minutes are not laden with dialogue. It isn’t needed to experience Bella Version 2.0. You want to soak her in. Her new skin. Her cheek bones. Her eyes. The way she moves. It all feels new.

Gone is the awkward, lip biting girl we’d come to know and love. Vampella is here. And damn, she still digs her man. One of my favorite passages in the book finds Bella struck by the realization she still wants him in that purely human way. We feel that within seconds.

I’m not gonna lie. It’s hot.

After all his stern, marbled staring in the previous 4 movies, we finally get to see Robward smiling and cracking jokes. You feel the weight he’s carried for so long has been lifted. Indeed, she’s still his Bella. Just less fragile. <Insert long happy sigh here>.

In my mind, Bill Condon is a master at giving us sweet little moments of pause within a fast paced storyline. The clip we saw moves quick, but we slow down to see their white hands reaching out for one another, her fingers trailing his arm. It’s innocent, but unbelievably sexy at the same time.

Remember the way Kristen stared into that mirror in BD1 soaking in the realization of what was inside her? We get another mirror shot – which might be equally as beautiful – this time the happy couple stares back at us. They’ve made it through hell and back. Full circle. Well… at least until the Volturi and the vampire org chart show up to ruin the day.

These small moments speak volumes and I find myself with passages from the book running through my head.

It’s pretty easy to see why Kristen has such fondness for the hunt scene. We saw the forest through Jacob’s eyes in BD1, now we get to see it through Bella’s. It’s one of those things my own mind’s eye struggled with when reading the books. Dew drops on spider webs. Flower petals in the breeze. Animals hooves crunching leaves in the forest. The bloodied knee of a human who doesn’t realize what’s lurking nearby. The attention to detail to show what the vampire world looks like is breathtaking and the effects are well done.

Kristen’s been waiting a long time to tell all the folks in pop-culture who’ve labeled Bella a weak, simpering fool they can go fuck themselves. Watching her bag her first mountain lion pretty much accomplishes that.

In my best Emmett voice: Badass.


Bill gave us the first 7 minutes to spoil us, but he cut us off before we’d be spoiled rotten. Jacob didn’t expect Bella ‘to be so you’. We faded to black right as he was about to find out she’s a whole different woman. “Since when do you care about Renesmee?’ Oh Jacob. We’ve been waiting a long time to see Bella hand you your lunch.

The final scene viewed in Hall H gave us a better chance to witness Bella’s new skills while she gets prepped for Charlie’s first visit. Kristen at vampspeed will make you giddy.

The Comic Con Q&A panel that followed the clip was pretty much what I expected it to be:

Small children, who I swear were forced by their moms to go to the mic, tried to act cute while asking painful non-questions. (Seriously? Some of those kids were pretty damn young. The movie is PG-13 people. Your little kids should be watching Disney princesses still not cottage vampsex.)

Someone felt the need to beg Rob for his name plate which he adorably signed and turned into a paper airplane.

And one or two fans actually managed to sneak in intelligent questions. That’s my shout out to you “What would your Twilight-self tell your BD2-self?’ Inspired questions bring about inspired word vomit. ‘Keep it in your pants’ indeed.

McKenzie Foy and her ‘big girl teeth’ pretty much stole the show. She is almost too beautiful to be real.

I found myself half listening to the cast trying to come up with non-dull answers to the same old dull questions. Instead, I just watched them and found it impossible not to reflect on how much they’ve all changed since the first time they faced a Comic Con audience way back a hundred years ago when they unbelievably had no clue how huge this thing would be.

SDCC circa 2008.... they had no clue what was coming...

The cast that sat in Hall H Thursday morning outwardly appeared so different.

Polished, Prepared, Sophisticated.

Well ok, Rob is always gonna be Rob…it’s why we love him. Adorkably unprepared and, some said, wearing the exact same outfit he had on last year. Do you think he even washed it? Do we even care? No. I didn’t think so. Half the man’s head wasn’t shaved this year and the scruff was perfection – that’s really all we cared about.

I sat there staring like a stalker and kept picturing little Twilight-Kristen bouncing nervously and desperately trying to avoid having to speak. Mulletstew fidgeting and barely able to take her eyes off her man, who was inexplicably too far away. NewMoonRob constantly gripping his tresses in an effort to pull answers out of his brain.

2009.... eye sex.... *sigh*

Well… Ok. He still does that too. And it’s still delicious.



This year everyone’s hair was perfectly coiffed. Makeup had been expertly applied. Collectively, it looked like you could take a chunk out of the national debt if you tallied up the cost of the clothes they were wearing. The leather jacket Jackson had on looked like melted butter. I just wanted to run my hands over it. Nikki’s rock of a diamond couldn’t be missed and Kristen’s sneaks actually looked brand new.

So pretty...

 

I couldn’t help but observe all this and think of how far this road has taken them. How changed they are. Probably some for good and some for bad. But it’s not just their appearances and things their newfound millions can buy. They all wear confidence with their designer duds. And they all talk about this ride they’ve been on with the reverence it deserves.

One of the most poignant moments happened at the end, as the long line of new vamps was introduced.

In part this was a standout moment to me because I am horribly biased toward loving that we pulled off a tumultuous roar for the incredibly lovable and oh-so-deserving-of everything-great-that-happens-to-him Erik Odom. You are all about to be Team Peter. Trust me. We were all so loud even Rob did a double take and asked, ‘Who’s that?’

The new vamps were like shiny new pennies just off the press. You could feel their nerves a little bit. It was a full circle moment, with them standing there juxtaposed against the self assurance of the original cast. You wanted to cheer for them as they hop on at the start of this ride that truly has changed us all.

For those playing along at home... Erik is 2nd from the right... TeamPeterFTW!

For me, the most amazing part of this Comic Con experience wasn’t actually the clip. Or being 8 rows away from two of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen. For me, it was actually feeling truly appreciated as a fan.

Before last Wednesday I feared November. I don’t know if any of us have any idea what to expect. It’s going to be mammoth. We all know that. The plaza at LA Live is going to be the pilgrimage to Mecca for lots and LOTS of us. How will they manage the mob? How will the need for mob control not cut back on the experience for us?

The news of the horrific tragedy on Tuesday had me even more fearful. Keeping people safe has to be their goal, and I suspect after losing one of our own, tent city safety measures will have to rival boarding a transatlantic flight out of LaGaurdia. How will they balance safety and ‘access’ during a fan experience?

But Wednesday night erased a lot of my fear. Summit brought their A-game to Comic Con. Watching Erik Odom lead the entire cast of vamps in a long line toward Hall H Camp was like watching a home run ball leave the park.

Each and every cast member there that night took their time. If you weren’t screaming or carrying on, they stopped long enough to actually chat.

You could feel the appreciation in the voices of the new guys. You could hear the sincerity in the voices of most of the Cullens…

(I said most…. No, I’m not naming names).

Stephenie Meyer went person by person. Staying late to ensure she signed and greeted every single fan. She joked with us about not being a good ‘camper’ herself. We thanked her for giving us ‘all this’. ‘The thanks is all mine.’

They get it. Summit. The cast. Stephenie. They get what this means to us. I don’t think they want to rob us of one single second of soaking this up.

I think they all want to soak it up with us.

All that’s left to decide is how many tissues to throw in the bag with your tent.

I’ll see you there. I’ll bring an extra box. We’re going to need it.

To steal the words of my Team Jack sister, let’s not leave LA in November till we change that period to an exclamation point.

Forever!
<3 twopeas1pod

You can find previous insane twopeas ramblings here and at www.adventuresintwilighting.com

You can also hear twopeas and the @team_jack team give more reaction to the Twilight Comic Con 2012 experience on the Team Jack Podcast #38: 'Forever.' Found here: http://smodcast.com/episodes/forever/

The exceptionally sweet Erik Odom can be found at @erikodom on twitter & http://www.facebook.com/odom.erik on Facebook.

I'm Buying Rob's Hair.... for $19.99 + Shipping. I Wish I Was Kidding.

Amidst the drought plaguing southern California right now, there was a tiny rain shower a couple of days ago that, like a mirage passing over parched land, produced this fanpic.

Aside from the fact that the background made me think they were eating dinner at a Ponderosa or maybe some kinda Japanese chain restaurant (I bet they like eating at dives better than Nobu and Soho House. Such ninja hobos. And in those cheap Japanese places you always secretly wonder if the guy working the grill will light himself on fire), the picture confirmed something we were all secretly fearing.

No. The hair has not grown back.

In fact, I think it looks like he’s further shaved the little peach fuzz he had working for Betty White at the PCAs.

His forehead actually looks shiny. Truthfully, with the red-eye glare working here I think he looks like a vampire in this picture.

Now you know from my previous post, I don’t fault the man for his decision. Let me reiterate. It’s his hair to do with as he pleases. If his woman digs it… well then the other 3 zillion of us who prefer the wild and unwashed sex hair should just go pound sand.

But, a couple of us were talking the other day about the possibility of, politely of course because we are not obnoxious fangirls, asking Mr. Pattinson to at least produce some kinda hair for us before the BD2 Premiere.

So the solution we came up with: Let’s ask him to just pop on a wig for our 30 second photo-op. After all – you realize nearly every other cast member at some point during filming had to suffer through wearing fake hair. I think it’s only right Rob pay his dues before this whole thing wraps up. I bet it would even bring a smile to Kristen’s face. She likes to poke fun of follicle issues.

I thought the wig looked fine. But I am biased. I think she could put a brown paper bag on her head and still look cool. Anyone who can rock a bad mullet gets a free pass in my book.

I started pondering this idea further this morning in an effort to stave off actually doing anything productive around my house today. Pffft. MisterPea doesn't need his undies folded that bad.
How much would it be to actually have a lion hair wig made?

If it’s expensive couldn’t we brow beat FF authors into doing yet one more round of ‘Fandom Gives Back Sex Hair’. I bet the total raised would embarrassingly eclipse what we pulled in for the Tsunami and Tornado relief funds.

How does one go about finding fake durhty sex hair? Cue God... Otherwise known as the almighty Google.

I started with ‘Lion Hair Wig’. But alas, this produced things that made me wanna shout ‘Eeeek!’ instead of a h00rish ‘Raaaaawr’.

Where is the tin man! Where is the tin man!?

Look! They made a TomStu Wig!

 That is some scary ass shit. I’d rather see shiny forehead than defile The Pretty with that. I definitely wouldn’t invite that into my bedroom.

So then, on a lark, I Googled ‘Robert Pattinson Wig’. And fuck me. They make them. In fact, a large variety are readily available. And bonus they aren’t that expensive and they are in stock! (Cue sigh of relief from all the FF authors.)

So cast your votes – which one should we buy?

LionHair1: The 'Robert Pattinson'

I'm not shitting you. This is the actual description on the website. Click here if you don't believe me: http://www.mypartyplanner.com/products/robert-pattinson-wig.html

Looking to go as the hottest Hollywood hunk this Halloween? Need that missing piece to complete your alluring exterior? Let us shed some "twilight" on your season with this Robert Pattinson Wig!This hip hairpiece features the short, familiar brown locks of our leading lad so you can "eclipse" everyone at any party this Halloween! All the girls will be "dying" to get your autograph when they see you in this heartthrob hairdo!With this Robert Pattinson Wig, you'll live forever with this perfect finishing touch to that celebrity superstar ensemble this Halloween season!

This one can be ours for just $19.99. I wonder if it comes with any 'product'? Considering the number of times they use his name, does Rob get a cut of the profits from this thing?

Lionhair2: "Love at First Bite"

In the twilight hours he will come to steal your heart. Break hearts and win love in this sexy Romeo of the Night

Also $19.99 and in stock.

LionHair3: "The Edward"

Now. I fail to see how 'Love at First Bite' and 'The Edward' are any different... but the have VASTLY different descriptions!!

Team Jacob? Team Jacob?! Pffft, everyone knows that the real star of the Twilight series is obviously Edward! When you want the Halloween horror look of a romantic vampire rogue, then you want the Edward Twilight Costume Wig! Our Edward Twilight Costume Wig comes with a slight brown pomp, brushed back. This full wig will make women swoon wherever you go, from young girls to distinguished madams! So when you're settled in knowing that Edward is what makes girls hearts flutter with passion, order this wig and be ready for your own Twilight!

Seriously?? Perhaps it's time to stop calling ourselves h00rs and start calling ourselves 'distinguished madams.' Doesn't that make it sound like this fandom is a brothel? Don't you like how the website managed to talk some smack to wolfboy?

So not to sway the vote any further. But in addition to the funny-as-hell description, this one can be ours for only $12.95. You read that right. $12.95. I wonder if it's one of those deals where if we call right now they will throw a second one in for free?

Cast your votes ladies. And if anyone is brave enough to preorder and perhaps do a test run on their significant other let us know. Perhaps if I actually go fold Misterpea's laundry he'll be our guniea pig.

<3 twopeas1pod

ps - Dear Rob - Grow your hair back now. We're serious about this wig thing if you don't...

pps - For those of you who are wolfboy fans I'm giving you a lil something as a parting gift:

The description, funny enough, just says: 'Wolf boy." I mean... what more is there to say really? It can be yours for $16.99. PLENTY in stock.

ppps - (or whatever I'm up to now. I'm long-winded. Sue me.)

Had to throw this one in there. Doesn't this one kinda remind you in an odd way of 'Rome Rob' from back in the Twilight premiere days?? Now THAT was the Age of Lion Hair.

Rome Rob Wig...For those truly serious about their lionhair.

Gotta end this post with one pic of the real deal.... raaaawr....

Cast your votes ladies! Order's being placed soon...

This post originally appeared on the Adventures in Twilighting blog. If you're not following the madness there you should be... click here to check it out: http://www.adventuresintwilighting.com/

PCAs 2012: Hairgate, Farts & Betty White

So you know I can’t sit here and keep quiet about the PCA’s and ‘hairgate’. I tried. Really.  But I can’t.  I got such a kick out of this fandom last night… 

First, we are all such lemmings. Every year some idiot marketing guy for the production company puts them on the list of red carpet walkers. And every year we struggle to sit through an hour of blurry, streaming live feeds full of some overly giggly, horribly bedazzled hostess who feels the need to mispronounce celeb’s names while simultaneously gushing all over them like a 13 year old. Every year people.  We fall for it. *SMH*. 

If you Tivo’ed the shit or just decided to touch up your roots or clean out your oven last night instead – count yourself out of this lemmings category and pat yourself on the back three times.  

A better way to spend your time...

  If you weren’t playing along at home… the highlights of the night: 

Demi Lovato got some award for making our ears bleed.

That chick from Glee won something so apparently their 15 minutes still aren’t up.

Emma Stone won two awards we all thought she should win.

Some 14 year old kid beat the Potter people for some award I can’t even remember. 

Ellen won after they played the clip of her telling Rob she’s not Team Edward.

That other chick from Glee did a skit with a cardboard placard version of The Trinity (this was that marketing guy’s way of including Kristen in the evening… and I guess Taylor too cause although they said he was attending, I sure as hell never saw him or his abs.)

An idiot stylist somehow managed to find the one dress in this world that made Ashley Greene look really bad (Girlfriend has a rocking body, but that leather-lace-ruffle thing was just fulgy and wrong on so many levels. I hope someone got fired over that shit today.) 

And then… over an hour into the snoozefest ‘people in the know’ began saying a certain someone had snuck in the side door.  It reminded me of that scene in Pretty in Pink where a begrudgingly disappointed Molly Ringwald quietly exclaims, ‘He showed.’

So I was thinking at this point the only way to salvage the night would be for epic MTV-Movie-Award-like drunk-nervous-Rob-wordvomit. But alas… Rob managed to stir things up without even opening his mouth. 

He showed up in his perennial black jeans, navy blue button up and baseball hat. I am pretty sure this outfit has not left his body in 2 months, it *might* be time to raid Kristen’s closet and get this boy back a few more of his shirts… just sayin’.  Nick was once again serving as his arm candy.  From the looks of the pictures, he managed to sit down and charm almost-90 year old Betty White without giving her a stroke.  And then… he took off the hat. 

Hairgate ensued.

I don't think Nick liked his date
paying so much attention to
the hottie sitting on the other side...

So because I am the curious sort, with a wildly ridiculous imagination that spends way too many hours contemplating shit that is really none of my business, I started to ponder how it all went down.  I have settled on something somewhere along the lines of these two possibilities.

Option 1: The man is on vacation.  Rob doesn’t always appear to want to shower when he’s working. So I gotta believe that this very well deserved sabbatical is involving a whole lotta couch time with his dog and honeys (Kristen, his guitar, a good book, junk food and beer).  Who has time for washing hair and shaving? Pfffft. This is so much easier. No hair up top, scruffy beard all over face. You wake up, roll outta bed, let the dog out, rub your head, scratch your ass, pull on the shirt you threw on the floor last night. Morning routine done.  You’re ready to rock the couch for the rest of the day.

Option 2: His ears hurt. Bad. Having witnessed the decibel level that greeted him when he walked the BD1 black carpet, I can sympathize with this hypothesis. I don’t know how he doesn’t have permanent hearing loss after going through that every time he leaves the house. For years.  It’s gotta wear on you. So I can somehow see the guy standing in front of the mirror yesterday and saying, “Maybe if I shave my head they’ll leave me alone and go fuck with Efron or that Liam Hemsworth dude. *Chuckle.* That fucker has no idea what he’s in for in March.”  And then, after making a few funny faces to himself in the mirror, he just goes for it.

If Option 2 was the real reason, I feel even more sorry for him now. Five seconds after some fans began donning all black and the Lion Hair obituaries started posting, there were the inevitable sqeees from those ‘adoring fans’ professing their undying love of the ‘new do’.  *SMH *. The boy just can’t win. Maybe he should try dyeing it green?  Or get a nose ring? 

Nope. I’m pretty sure there are a subset of people in this fandom who would be turned on by that shit too.

So here’s my thing.  It’s hair. His hair.  He should do with it as he pleases. The reason I dig the guy is he doesn’t give a shit. So how can I hate on him for taking away our ability to RAWR like lions?

I can’t. 

Lots of people in Hollywood spend a whole lotta time listening endlessly to trainers and stylists and gurus who tell them how to dress and how to walk and what to eat and when to smile and how to smile and when to fart and who to fart near.  Rob doesn’t appear to have any of those people. And if he does, he sure as fuck isn’t listening to them. I like that. 

No. I love that. 

I’m not gonna lie and say I’m totally in love with the little baby peach fuzz all over his head. And, if you know me at all, you already know how I feel about the AmishRob beard he likes to sport. But seriously, if he’s happy…it’s all good.  And I mean…everyone looks like a train wreck sometimes…

I did have to chuckle my ass off at all the people on twitter who were once again pledging their ‘unconditional’ love for the dude. “Oh my god how can you be so perfect??” When I read that shit I do it in this really sarcastic sing-song voice. Kinda like every actress on Disney Channel… kwim? 

I don’t know why but that stuff just makes me uncomfortable.  It’s ok to think he looks banged up. Seriously people. It doesn’t make you a bad fan. A friend of mine, who will remain nameless cause if I out her name here some people reading this might hunt her down and chloroform her and throw her body in a swamp, sent me a message last night saying, ‘He looks like a cancer patient.’  So while that might not be politically correct AT ALL (seriously, I know, cancer is not fucking funny. At all), it was her opinion and she’s entitled to it. She’s not a bad fan. She’s just honest.  It doesn’t mean she’s sending back her DVD of WFE or deleting her robporn folder on her harddrive. She just doesn’t dig it.

Actually… it means she’s just like Rob. She’s not just blindly going along with what other people think she should say or do. She’s gonna do her own thing. Have her own thoughts.  And not give a shit what other people think she should say or do. 

See. I like that.

So I’m embracing hairgate. I’m embracing not giving a shit. (Sorry Nikki.) I’m laughing at the chicks who think he’s perfect. I’m laughing at us for being lemmings once again.  In general… I’m laughing.

And I’m still fucking wondering what the hell Betty White puts in her tea every day…. Cause daaaamn. 90. Damn.

Now my only question is this: how long before the other Hollywood sheep all start shaving their heads in an effort to be cool?? Let’s place our bets ladies. I bet there are barbers all over LA today getting ready to buzz some heads…

Poor dude. He really just can’t catch a break.

 I hope he didn’t fart on Betty.

R.I.P Lion Hair.

Rob, Another Vagina, & Our Challenge to Be Cooler.

I really don’t wanna comment on the drama that went on in the twifamily yesterday… because I really don’t wanna give it the dignity of the column inches or add to the length of time this annoying conversation persists. But the mommybear in me has come out and I feel the need to unload. I promise I am not going to rehash all the ‘nonnie’ vs ‘the rest of us’ crap… I’m going to make a point… and issue you all a challenge. See if you’re up for it.

In my last musing, I wrote a letter to Kristen with a description of how grown up and cool some of us are. Yeah… this is not helping convince her of that.  Yesterday was just proof positive that she has always been right.  Things are much better when they live like ninjas and perpetuate ‘drought’. Because apparently, we are not mature enough to handle anything else. *That sound you hear is me shaking my head in disgust.*

sorry for the bewbie shot, but you get the point

I have maintained I hope she never gives us anything because as soon as they ‘have’ their happy – they will immediately be trying to prey upon anything they can spin as their sad. The paps and gossip mongers think we have the attention span of a newt… and yesterday might have affirmed that.

I’m not going to even debate here what I think about that picture. Really? Grow up. People go out. People have fun. People even occasionally have fun with members of the opposite sex. *sarcastic gasp*

Is this what things are gonna be like around here for now on? Every time he’s photographed with someone, other than Kristen, who has a vagina we’re gonna have to label him a cheater and start digging into the sanctity of their relationship? Cause if this is how this fandom is gonna roll I’m heading over to hang out with the Trekkies. There’s got to be less drama over there.

Here’s the thing. I want to challenge us. I want us to draw up some ‘post-BD’ ground rules. We are one year out from this all ending. We need to practice now for what it will be like to be fans of these folks in the ‘after-years’.  Part of why we all grotesquely adore Rob and Kristen is because they don’t live their lives like the rest of Hollywood. They break the rules. They don’t set out for the spotlight. They don’t sell things that most other couples would be cashing in on to increase their iMDB ratings and the number of hits they get on Google.

So let’s break the rules with them. Let’s strive to be different and learn from their example. Instead of  engaging in this ridiculous high school discussion, ooohhhing and ahhhhing and making all this white noise every time a picture like this comes out – let’s sit back and stay quiet. Let’s have some faith that they are big boys and girls now and can handle their own business.   

My husband always jokes about what would happen to me if ‘those two broke up.’ He maintains that I would need some sort of counseling because I hold them on a ridiculous pedestal. 

Ok…  He’s probably right…

But in the dark, dark back corner of my mind I realize that they have incredible odds stacked against them. They are very young. We sometimes forget how young they are. And they live in a zip code that isn’t exactly well known for lifelong monogamy. And they are saddled with us. How many couples survive that? Is it even possible?

I really hope so. Because I do not want to be part of an equation that destroys it. Do you? Us sitting on twitter and perpetuating a buzz around photos like that fuels it. It makes the pictures worth more money. It gets the websites that write complete crap more hits. It proves to the predators that pictures of the sad might sell more than the happy.

Don’t let them use us to break them.

What if we followed their example? What if we went against the norms and instead of tearing things down we just stayed quiet? There are going to be more days like yesterday. It’s inevitable. They have friends. They have business. They need to find a ‘post-BD’ life that includes leaving their house.

How will you react? Decide now so you’re prepared.

I am thinking for now on my response will be this: I will quietly, simply tweet my favorite picture of eye sexing. My little drop of water to send out into the world to calm the flame. What if we all sent out one drop? Could we make the flame stop burning altogether?  Could we become their greatest support instead of their greatest obstacle?

Perhaps I have a different perspective of yesterday because I have faithfully been with the same man for 21 years. I know what trust is. I have it. My husband could walk down the street with his arm around another woman and it wouldn’t phase me. He loves me. I know it. He is faithful to me. I never question it. Perhaps there are a lot of people in the world who don’t experience that and think it can’t exist. 

It can.

 I don’t know if it exists for them (we certainly didn’t have it at their age…it forms over time and years and life experience) – but it would be the kind of love I would wish for everyone.  I wish it for them. But you can’t have that kind of relationship without surrounding yourself with people who support it and help you build it up.

Let’s be that.

We can do this.

I know under our 13-year-old tendencies we really are this cool. Let’s prove it to them.

<3-  Twopeas